Sunday, June 13, 2010

Thats no mudslide, its the Italian diving team.

Howdy do!

Its been awhile huh? I told you I wouldn't do it all the time. Reliability is cliche. How do I do that silly e with the accent on it? Fuck it.

Yeah after the first two posts I was all geared up to keep it up everyday, I felt I was in the groove and all ready for the ball but then I fell apart like a Chinese motorcycle. (Props to Rodney Dangerfield)


Writing a blog is annoying until you have the finished product, you know? I usually put like 2 hours into writing each entry, which is 2 hours taken away from my other tasks. Sometimes I have to choose between being useless and writing the blog. Tough choices. No one reads this shit anyway. I would, but thats because I don't do anything else with my time. The other day I was so bored I did research into the World Cup teams. The result of which was that I found out the whole series is a pointless waste of time. Just what I have been looking for!

Thats not true, I'm sure the World Cup has some sort of practical purpose, such as bringing people from all nationalities together to hate the French and Italians.

Play the fucking game, Lorenzo.


No. I think I'm wrong again. It brings the most nauseating meat heads with money enough to travel and buy tickets to this shit together all in one convenient location. Napalm, anyone?

Some of these people really are morons. "Hey lets cheer -- NO WAIT! -- better yet lets put this giant plastic horn to our mouths and simulate annoying droning fart sounds all game. That'll really get our boys pumped up."

Lets take a look at a few of these creatures, shall we?

Oh, how young we are sometimes.


Yeah sure kid. What sign will you be holding up next?

I think Darfur will give us a run for our money.



Yeah with fans like these who needs the Taliban?

Yeah, hail to the king baby.


Put Jabba in front of the goal and switch the ball to a fried chicken and we've got the cup!

These ghouls are not limited to the United States, for that matter. Lets take a look at some other fans.

Dutch Freak, Spanish Morons, French Fans celebrating,


And the Japanese Prime Minister shows his World Cup enthusiasm.


They're not all bad, however. Allow me to show you my list of World Cup winners.


Brazil, Denmark, Holland, and Sweden



Whats this you say? Sweden didn't qualify for the World Cup? Well, they're still winners in my book. These girls look like they know their way around a vuvuzela, let me tell you. I mean just look at the way that they're standing in front of that giant penis!

Don't get me wrong. I'm still watching the games. Its either that or do something productive, and who wants that? Who am I rooting for, you ask? I'll be honest with you and say Denmark. You couldn't tell that I was biased with my predictions, could you? You may find yourself asking "Why is Darren rooting for Denmark?" If you find yourself asking that question, go fuck yourself.


I find the blog is a lot like having a girlfriend. Which is kinda nice. It has all of the positive aspects of a relationship like spending time together and sharing interests. Yeah there's no sex, but there's also no feelings of inadequacy which come with it, either. You gotta look on the bright side of things, you know!



I have to remember shit that happened to me throughout the past days and think of a semi-humorous manner of presenting it, thats shit I don't do for anyone else. Only for my lovely.

We elope tonight, my love.


So yeah. I spent several hours and two cups of coffee on this waste of time and it didn't even come out the way I wanted it to. I suppose I'll be back later with more reporting of pointless cynicism and bitchiness. Get ready and help yourself to some cake.


Some audio splendor for y'all. This time we go Nordic and electric. Enjoy sports fans.




Sorry this post was so picture heavy, I'll do some exercises and trim it down for the next one.

Kindest Regards readers,

Darren

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